Dependency is a complex issue in ministry and community development. Where it applies to financial resources, we always want to be attentive to the ways in which organizations sometimes fail to think critically about how money and programming can actually harm communities they are intended to serve. But when it comes to our emotional resources as workers, discernment around fostering dependance becomes even more complex. Many ministers and community development leaders get into the field because we love people. We want to see vulnerable communities cared for and served well, and also must deal with the pressures of developing new teams and new structures toward those ends. As inevitably happens, though, when we begin caring for a community, the healthiest and best supported members ask for less of our attention, while the most vulnerable and wounded will often consume as much of our time and relational energy as we will give them. 

‍

This is not only a dynamic that develops in the relationship between a ministry and a vulnerable community, the same happens on teams and in congregations: the bulk of our time and resources as leaders and ministers often go to a minority of people for whom no amount of our attention is sufficient to meet all their needs. When this happens, it can - at times - lead to frustration or resentment, either toward the people we are serving or towards ourselves. And there are a few questions it may be good to ask in discernment around this experience:

‍

1. When was the last time I spent time in unproductive solitude? 

‍

It is a rhythm of Jesus’ life that he goes away to lonely places at seemingly urgent moments of his work. It is often in solitude that we get a chance to reflect on our motives and the images of how our work “ought to be,” which are the unconscious lens through which we make many of our daily decisions. When we step away from productivity and busyness, many of our own emotions and insecurities are more visible, and we have to confront the ways in which we are often trying to draw water from a dry well. Sometimes we may realize we are not functioning in a healthy way, and are overextending ourselves unsustainably. In this way, solitude is a gift to leaders.

2. When was the last time I declined to give advice or solutions? 

‍

One of my practices with many people I work with is when they bring a problem to me to not initially give advice. I first just try to relate to the emotion behind the problem: e.g. “That sounds very stressful” or “I could see why that would feel disrespectful and make you angry.” If it is clear that I have understood their feelings, then I simply ask, “How would you like to be supported in this situation?” When asked gently to take responsibility for their own situation, while still feeling understood and reassured they will be supported, many people - I find - do not really need me to fix their problems or create solutions. Often what I interpret as being asked to resolve something is actually just a desire to be recognized and cared about.

‍

3. What was the last problem that I referred to another member of our community? 

‍

Whether it be the emotional needs of a teammate or congregant, or the physical needs of a neighborhood, too frequently we try to address persistent issues in isolation. But the resources to address chronic needs rarely exist within only one leader or one organization. Service oriented organizations can be guilty of trying to meet every need “in-house,” and we can neglect fostering healthy partnerships with other leaders and service providers who are better gifted and have greater capacity to contribute to the needs that are emerging within our own sphere of influence. It is a mark of good leadership to connect others to one of the healthy members of my community: whether it be a mature church member or teammate, a neighbor who sees the same struggles on our block, or another organization that shares the concerns that are being brought to me but exceed my capacity to address. 

‍

There are no simple solutions to chronic needs, but asking ourselves these questions - as leaders - can be a helpful way to determine whether we are working healthily as we seek to serve communities and care for others. These are a simple way to discern how to sustain our work in the face of chronic needs.

‍